Learning the Boundaries

I try my best everyday to do what i can, everyday the goalposts seem to move. Sometimes i can do small things like take the washing from the washing machine and hang it on the airer other days i try to do to much and end up regretting it for days to come. I find it hard to learn boundaries i wish things were back how they used to be. I wish i was back to how i used to be.

Today i went to my friends house, i went via taxi, it wasn't a long distance but i knew i wouldn't be able to walk it on crutches, at my friends house i wasn't really able to do anything, she has a young daughter but i couldn't sit on the floor and play with her as it would have caused me too much pain in my knees, so i sat in a chair and talked and felt rather useless.

Later Simon picked me up and we went out for a meal there were no spaces close to the restaurant so we had to part far away it took me along time to walk to the restaurant and the car park was slopped and by the time we got into the restaurant i was in a lot of pain, but i did not want to take painkillers as we were out with 5 other members of Simon's family and i wanted to be with it and not sleepy like the painkillers make me.

The meal went okay but as it went on i got more and more tired, more and more sleepy and then the walk back down the slopped car park to the car. Then his family came around our house for an hour or two.

These things may not seem like much but i am going to regret it tomorrow i am going to be in pain in my legs and joints probably for 2 to 3 days, i am probably going to sleep for 18-20 hours for the next 2 to 3 days. I haven't done much; these small things i would have taken for granted before i became ill are such huge hurdles now. Its just so Frustrating.

I went to see my Doctor about the pain in my joints and as i can not take anti-inflammatories i am trying to take glucosamine and also homeopathic medication to see if that can help, i am at the point of trying anything to stop the amount of pain i am. I hate so much to take so much Tramadol and the zombie it makes me become.