Roughly up to date

The benefits meeting at the end of Febuary was to see if i was suitable to go back to work and lady that 'interviewed me' said that i am not going to be for the forseeable future. Had to fill in some more forms for the Incapacity benefit people listing what i can and cant do, why do the booklets have to be so long and complicated. I also had to see my GP to get a Med 4 form for the booklet stating that i have Fibro etc. Geez they like to run you through the mill, if this is what they do to sick people i would hate to see what they do to heathly people.

The Fibro meeting at the end of Febuary was good, wasnt able to pay full attension to what was being talked about as i wasnt quite with it but it was nice to meet up with people i have been in contact with via email/phone etc and there was also quite a few new members to the group so i made some new friends too.

Got my new crutches through, slowly getting the hang of them, my grip in my hands is getting worse, and is also making my hands shake so it would be quite difficult to hold normal crutches, the crutches i have are specialist arthritus style crutches so you dont need to grip much as they have support for your wrist and elbow which is good.

Also with the problem with my hands comes the problem that i am finding it more difficult to type on a computer/laptop, Fibro still seems to be turning all aspects of my life upside down, is it going to leave anything left of the original me from before i became sick?

The pain in my knees is getting worse, i have been trying to use one crutch where-ever possible so i dont become too reliant on two crutches, but on some occasions where i have to walk some distance, or where the ground is slippy or wet i am using two to help steady myself. At home i am gripping on to furniture to keep myself standing as its not really that easy to use crutches in a small flat.

Currently trying not to take to much pain killers, i am on Tramadol for my head and my knees but i only take it if i have to which is at night time to stop the pain long enough to sleep. During the day i try and put up with the pain as much as i can or take Tramadol only if i am on the verge of crying from the pain. I am also occasionally using a TENS machine for my knees but that seems to only help if the pain is mild to medium.

I was refused Disability Living Allowance but we applied in January before i got so ill that i had to use crutches to walk so we may leave it alittle while and try applying again.

In December we were looking at buying a flat but it fell through as i was sick, i am glad this happened now as the flat was the third floor up and there is no way i would have been able to navigate three/four odd flights of stairs and probally would have ended up a prisoner in my own home, thank goodness we live in a ground floor flat.

My memory is slowly getting worse, i am struggling at remembering anything short term, i am also struggling to do anything that needs me to concentrate, which takes away from me more things that i used to love doing, i cant play complicated computer games, crosswords, or even sudoku which i used to love doing so much : (

I try hard not to get depressed the only thought that keeps me going is that there are people out there much worse off than me and goodness knows how they cope and keep brave faces.

The pain in my head seems to be getting a little better, well i say it is getting a little better, it could be that or just the fact i am getting more used to it, i am now on 100mg of Topiramate and 175mg of Amitriptyline, i spoke to my gp on the 3rd of March and shes still unwilling to lower the dosage of Amitriptyline so i can try and help myself lose some weight. Even now on a diet i am not losing anything as the Amitriptyline stops weight loss and makes you put it on, more punishment!

My uncle is in my prayers at the moment he is very sick and in hospital
http://www.lifewithdialysis.blogspot.com/