November 2007

I am becoming more and more of a hermit I leave the house once a week if I am lucky and occasionally to go to the hospital, I have seen seeing a urologist as I have been having allot of problems with my bladder. I am also getting allot of pain in my joints and especially my knees, I am not quite sure for the reasoning behind this but I could do without more pain I am in enough already.

My fiancé is working so much I barely see him I feel for him I really do, I miss him so much. He doesn’t have a permant job yet, if he becomes ill we have no income. We have bought a kitten to keep me company when my fiancé works and to keep me active or at least try to. Christmas is approaching, I don’t really feel like celebrating, I don’t think I am ever going to get better I feel so ill, money is really tight at the moment I feel like giving up.

I went to Casualty one night crying because of the pain, it was a last resort and I was at the end of my tether, a doctor came along she didn’t even look at me, didn’t look at my notes she didn’t seem to care within 30 seconds told me nothing was wrong with me that I was wasting her time and to go home. I felt distraught and even began to question myself and wondering if she was right

When I was discharged from hospital I had only one follow-up appointment it wasn’t with the neurologist it was with the Psychiatric Liaison Specialist, In all honesty I thought they were going to section me I saw the ‘Psychiatric’ part and freaked out a little. Apparently they help people who have been in pain for long periods of time; it is common for people who have been in pain for a long time to feel low and depressed and to be considering suicide.

I had an appointment with her; she saw I was a state I was barely able to concentrate on what she was saying as I was in so much pain. She couldn’t believe I had been discharged with no help, and she found it hard to believe that I had been told not to take any painkillers. She disappeared for a short period of time and came back with some painkillers, codeine and ibuprofen and told me to take them, I took the codeine but not the ibuprofen as it plays havoc with my asthma. She had also arranged an appointment for me to see the Neurologist.

I can’t believe that one person had done so much and changed things so much someone had opened a door from my small world of pain and had tried to help me. I have seen the Psychiatric Liaison Specialist a few more times and I am still seeing her now.