We have been saving up for quite a few months to go on holiday, it’s not much, just a holiday in the UK, and I barely leave the accommodation barely leaving the bed. It’s too bright outside the sun it taunts me it calls me outside but I know it will hurt me more. I can hear children playing outside and it hurts my ears and my mind as I know what I am missing out on. On the day before we go home, we leave in the middle of the night so that we don’t travel in the daytime to spare me the pain.
I don’t know how more I can handle, surely Migraines don’t last this long, they aren’t suppose to be this constant or cause this much pain, I have become a recluse I barely go outside, I have no social life and hardly see any of my friends. I am a shell of what I once was. My wages from work have been cut because I have been ill for so long, another worry to add onto the pile of fears. I don’t know what to do anymore.
I end up crying most days from the pain, I can’t take much more. My fiancé can’t handle seeing me like this. He is a nurse a Health Care Professional, he feels he should help me with the pain but he can’t his hands are tied. I feel like I have lost control and I am seriously stuck with no treatment, suicide has become a serious option, I have never felt this way before.
People who know me are starting to frown they dont believe someone can be ill this long and in so much pain, if it was something more physical with more obvious symptoms then it would be easier for them to see and understand.
2 comments:
kelly when you felt suicidal did you talk to anyone in the family about this ,you no your mum or your nan even us would of listened and talked ,you might of felt alone but your not ,i now this was last year but i hope you are not still felling the same way,sharon x
i think i did speak to nan about it. I find it hard to speak to people about feeling so depressed our family has been through so much and i dont like to burden them further.I know members of our family may say i am being silly for not talking to them about problems.
Sorry i find it hard to remember things that is why i have written everything down. Memory problems are another symptom of Fibro.
I have been seeing a Psych Liason as well about what has been wrong with me have been seeing her since November.
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